SCOTT’S RAMBLINGS
Flake vs. Twirl — which is posher?
Answering the ultimate chocolate question at Easter
The obvious place to start with this truly seismic question is the definition of ‘posh’. And who would know posh better than the Cambridge Dictionary (yeah I said Cambridge and not Oxford because Cambridge is better fight me IRL).
posh adjective
(of places and things) expensive and of high quality:
He takes her to some really posh restaurants.
So straight away we have 2 things to judge the challengers on — cost and quality. I feel like a certain elegance/class needs to be considered as well and as I’m writing this Pulitzer prize material I get to decide. So there. Okay, let’s get cracking.
Cost
Searching around, the price of both the Flake and the Twirl seem to be the same and trust me, I spent 3 whole minutes fact checking this.
However, you do get 34.375% more chocolate in the Twirl. So straight away the Flake is more expensive than the Twirl, and by the dictionary definition — posher. So easy start to precedings.
Winner: Flake.
High Quality
Ingredients-wise, both chocolate bars are made by Cadbury’s. So I’m going to make an assumption and say that Cadbury’s will use the same ingredients on both. In fact a Twirl is basically 2 Flakes, covered in chocolate in the same packet. So quality-wise they should be exactly the same. Good grief what am I even writing here?
Winner: Draw
Elegance/Class
I can’t lie to you, at this stage of the blog I found myself wondering why I bothered with it. Then I realised, neither me nor the subject matter is wrong — the dictionary is wrong obviously. How could it not be? I’ve never been wrong in my life. Which brings me onto the qualifying criteria I added to ‘posh’ and what I’ve come to realise best represents it (screw you dictionary and Rowan also). Thank god I’m smart or this blog would never exist — and what would life be without it?
So in terms of elegance, you have to start with the wrapper. Now I find the Twirl wrapper more elegant. The purple with yellow is far more regal than the yellow with purple. Yellow is the colour of crappy children’s toys, the weakest of the Power Rangers, the grossest of Fruit Pastilles flavours. Where the purple is like the Queen riding a swan swinging her scepter at ruffians.
Then you get to the chocolate itself. If there is one thing a posh person can’t handle, it’s a messy food. Just picture this, you’re at the masquerade ball, you’re dressed as a kinky owl. A kinky snow owl to be exact. You’re resplendent in white. You look wonderful. However, your stomach — it yearns for sustenance. You have a Flake in your pocket. Perfect. But you eat the Flake and you get some brown on your dress. Night ruined. The Twirl wouldn’t betray you like that. The Twirl wants you to have a great evening. The Twirl wins again.
But what do Cadbury’s think about it?
Twirl—
Two fingers of indulgent chocolatey swirls, wrapped in smooth Cadbury milk chocolate that melt in your mouth as the twirling ribbons unfold!
Flake —
The process for making Cadbury Flake is a closely guarded secret and no other chocolate manufacturer has ever managed to recreate it. That’s why no other chocolate bar can rival the delicate, crumbly texture of a Cadbury Flake.
Well, this sounds like they think the Flake wins. This is truly a battle of the ages.
Conclusion
I am now extremely hungry.
Oh and the Twirl obviously wins because I say it does.
Oh and I was able to define the word posh better than the dictionary.
Twirl 1 : Flake 0
Scott 1 : Dictionary 0
